Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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