And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Randomize
