I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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