A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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