i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
