Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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