If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
