go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
