I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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