I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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