he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
