do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
