I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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