i don't like sucking hair
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I will pee on everything he values.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
