shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
