Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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