In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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