Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
