My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
