I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
