I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
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I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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