Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Me too!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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