You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
