I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
