okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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