Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
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I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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