Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
