he puts the penis in happiness.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
