i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
