i just had sex bonerless
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
