she woke up with a sticky ear
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
