I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
