wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
