my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
