Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
