I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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