I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
