The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You dont lie about slip and slides
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
