I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
