Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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