Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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