I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
