Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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