Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
