How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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