So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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