Betty ford says i'm here all night
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
