I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
