I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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