So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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