he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
