What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
