I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
