Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
