what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
