She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
