He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
not ubering you a puppy
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
