My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
