I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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