I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
