He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
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Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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