all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
