he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
