She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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