She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
