So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
