It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
