I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
